Things you don't normally talk about at work

Partly cloudy, 73 degrees, 100% humidity

Coming from a work environment most would classify as "Corporate America," I have a very different view on topics appropriate to discuss in the workplace than most, make that ALL, of my colleagues here in the wild, but wonderful, world of Nigerian NGOs.  While I haven't yet found any topics that are exclusively off limits, as it seems most information I would consider personal can (and has) been made public, there are a number of topics I would have steered clear of in any workplace conversation at home and some which I will continue to steer clear of no matter how directly I'm asked.  The big ones include:

Religion

As a culture largely defined by religion, most Nigerians fall in one of two distinct camps - Christian or Muslim.  For those who have done any research on Nigeria or heard news on the country, you're probably aware of the conflict surrounding these two groups, as it's what most media outlets tend to cover.  Religion is not only at the core of a number of conflicts within the country, it's a defining characteristic for most Nigerians.  "Are you a Christian?" is something regularly asked as a typical get-to-know-you question, similar to " Where are you from?" in a typical introductory conversation in the States.   Because of its significance, religion is openly discussed and even practiced in the office, with a Christian church service held, just like a weekly meeting, every Wednesday morning. 

 

Age, weight, and body shape

Because I'm still young enough (or at least like to think I'm young enough), being asked my age typically does not make me uncomfortable - at least if it's not being asked by a client looking to give me a hard time about my age, experience level, and the amount he/she is being charged for my consulting services.  For most Americans, however, age is a number not willingly provided, sometimes even amongst groups of friends.

A number I am NOT comfortable discussing with my colleagues, however, is my weight.  Because being thin is not necessarily seen as a good thing or associated with being beautiful, weight and body shape are openly discussed.  It's common to hear, as part of a greeting, "you've added weight," meaning (yes, you guessed it) you've gained weight!  While some female colleagues admit they don't necessarily like hearing this, they are not offended and typically respond with a reason - they've been tired (not exercising) lately or cooking/eating more, taking it MUCH better than I would, likely providing a response of "go climb a tree" (although likely not that nice or censored) a glaring look, and possibly even a slap across the face.

I've made it clear to my colleagues I will not provide my weight, even when other colleagues (females included) have willingly provided theirs.  I have also asked they do not tell me if they think I've "added weight" at any point during my placement.   This has to be the last thing I want to hear as I fight the constant battle to find and consume healthy food in this culture where sugar and/or oil is added to almost EVERYTHING. 

 

Sex

Let me preface this with a reminder that the non-profit organization I work for focuses on sexual and reproductive health issues and is unique in respects to the openness in which sex is discussed in the office, as this culturally taboo topic is not widely thought of as an acceptable discussion topic.  Nonetheless, sex - the act and everything associated with it, including protection, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, abortion, common misperceptions/myths, and any/everything else - is commonly discussed at work.  In my book, it doesn't get much more personal than this.

MTN Biking

Scattered showers, 79 degrees, 95% humidity

This weekend I finally had the chance to get out of Abuja and see a bit of the natural wonders surrounding Maitama (our neighborhood) I've been tortured with looking at while not actually able to get to.  Lush, green hills surround Abuja and we are lucky to be able to see this scenery from our flat.  For me, however, it has been a tease, as more than looking at these green hills, I have wanted to be in them - riding, hiking, etc.   This weekend, my prayers were answered, or so I thought, by a couple willing expats who helped me get out on a mountain bike and up into the hills.

When I sent the plea out to the Abuja mountain biking yahoo group, I didn't anticipate many bites.  I was not only looking to borrow a bike, but also looking for someone to take me out and show me the trails.  I was pleasantly surprised by the quick turn-around.  This is when I should have realized it was too good to be true.  Not only did I have a bike to ride, but I also had a poor soul willing to sacrifice his Sunday ride to let the newbie trail behind.

The words I used to describe the ride to McKinley when I got home was "brutal" but "amazing!"  Being outside Abuja, cruising through small villages and shanty towns, on a mountain bike was one of the best experiences I've had since I've been here.  The complete exhaustion I felt at the end of the ride was also a welcome feeling I hadn't had in quite some time.  Yes, call me crazy, but I love the feeling of exhaustion brought on by a long/hard run, swim, and especially a bike ride.

This state of exhaustion would not have been possible, or maybe just nearly as severe, if it weren't for the lovely piece of equipment (notice, I've stopped calling it a bike) I rode - and sometimes pulled/pushed along side me.  The Ford (yeah, you thought they only made cars) was a real treat.  Weighing in at over 50 pounds, with a back brake that stuck and a front brake that didn't work, a rear shock that bottomed out every time I hit the tiniest bump, and flat pedals, the beast even boasted a disc wheel (you know, for aerodynamics) and a kick stand!  See picture below. 

Now, some of you may be thinking, what's wrong with that bike? I have one just like it in the garage, while others, who understand my love for cycling (and appreciation for quality-made bikes), are probably thinking  there's no way you would EVER get me on that thing.  The latter was my initial thought too.  Call me a snob, but I've never ridden a bike like it and was close to calling the poor soul that had signed up to ride with me the next day to tell him I wasn't going to be able to make it.  I told myself, however, "This is Nigeria and you are a volunteer.  You can't be picky," and decided that no matter how bad it looked (and felt), I was getting the chance to go out and explore.  THAT I couldn't pass up.

I don't think I can appropriately describe the brutality of the ride - climbing and then descending a total of 25 miles on pure steel with no shocks, faulty brakes, and flat pedals was draining and scary.  Not that the trails (or tracks) were technical, though in some areas completely impassable, but the combination of rutted out dirt tracks, slick rocky sections, and a decent down the road with okaddas, trucks, cars, gawkers, and walkers vying for the same limited road space, the trip ranks pretty far up there as one of the scariest mountain bike experiences of my life.  Also probably one of the dirtiest, though I can't say I was actually more covered in mud/grime than a typical ride, but that the mud and grime that I did have on me was a bit more disgusting. Though I'm sure not all of it was filled with poo, I know for a fact there was a good amount on the track as I, for the first time, was WA-WA'ed (a phrase I learned that day, meaning West Africa Wins Again) when poo from the trail was slung up on my hand by a passing okadda.  Thanks okadda driver!

While I can't say that I am ready to take the Ford out again, I really enjoyed the experience!  Riding through the green hills, the scenery would have been enough, but the people we saw were the best part!  In almost all of the villages or towns we passed, we were greeted by lots of waving, calling out of "oyibo," and even running alongside us.  Some of the kids that ran with us could even keep up!  Talk about a depressing moment - slugging my bike up the hill as an energetic little one runs beside me with his hand on my arm.  I think at one point he might have even been giving me a push. 

Needless to say, I am now on the hunt for a bike.  A decent bike is hard to come by so I'm hoping I can swindle an expat out of his/hers or find someone that's leaving and looking to sell.  Without a car, a bike would be my only means of getting out of the big city, and as many of you know, this is something I crave.  Now, if only I can find something a little nicer than the Ford.   

Church just off the track

Faux Pas

Partly cloudy, 73 degrees, 100% humidity (even though weather.com  says it's currently showering, I'm going with the observed weather report, which is much nicer)

While I've committed my fair share of social faux pas in the last month and a half that I've been here - everything from offending colleagues by turning down food to using silverware when fingers are the preferred utensils, the last couple weekends have helped me define a few good rules for social settings and events in Nigeria.

First: Don't show up on time to ANY event - not even a wedding.  Nigerians have a very different sense of time as compared to most North Americans.  To Nigerians "on time" is not arriving when the event is scheduled to start, but instead, anywhere from a half hour to an hour and a half (or more) late.

McKinley and I learned this the hard way last weekend when we arrived "late" (by our standards - 4 minutes) to a wedding of a colleague of ours.  Let me add another smaller faux pas that we committed, which was going to the wedding of someone who we didn't really know.  While the bride works for our organization, we can't tell you for certain that we had met her before the wedding.  We couldn't pass up the opportunity to go to our first Nigerian wedding though- call us wedding crashers, if you wish.

We hustled, thinking we were late, to the church down the street from our house, sacrificing our clean, not-sweaty appearance, which is hard to come by during this hot, sticky season.  We assumed we would be the last few people arriving and we could inconspicuously sneak in to the back of church and place ourselves behind rows of family and friends.  We knew we would stick out as probably the only white girls attending the wedding - not to mention the only ones that people didn't recognize (including the bride and groom) - and were pleased with the fact that we were going to be fashionably late - by our standards.  To our dismay, we were the 2nd and 3rd attendees to arrive - outside the choir and pastor, who were setting up and one other well-dressed woman in the pew, we were it.  So much for being inconspicuous.  We sat ourselves in the pew and waited for the ceremony to begin.  45 minutes later, with approximately 25 people in church, the 2 hour ceremony started.  Attendees continued to pour into the church throughout the service, with almost all pews being full by the time the whole thing was over.  Next time, we WILL be fashionably late.

Second: Expect planned events to have a program or agenda - from weddings to after-work social events.  Friday afternoon, we had a "Send Forth" (Going Away) Party for one of the EVA staff members that left the organization just before we started.  Instead of relaxing, chatting, and eating/drinking, there was a line-up of activities planned.  First, by request of the leaving staff member, everyone in attendance - minus McKinley and I (thank goodness) because we had not worked with her - had to write down at least 1 good thing and 1 bad thing about this colleague.  Think public performance review meets public personality review (not sure if the phrase personality review exists, because the act would be considered inappropriate in most instances, but it's the only phrase I can think to describe this).   I still haven't figured out why anyone would want this kind of feedback, as without a great deal of direction on what her colleagues were being asked to provide, most of the comments returned were not constructive or things that could be improved upon or changed - including feedback such as she's a hard worker, good wife material, and hot-tempered.  Not knowing what I was signing up for, I got to read all the comments out loud to the entire group - talk about working to keep a straight face.  After the public performance/personality review was complete, we went around the table and everyone said aloud goodbyes to IJ, the leaving staff member.  This ranged from everything from "I wish you weren't leaving" to 10 minute tear-filled speeches thanking God for bringing IJ the opportunity to work for EVA.  By far the most awkward social event I've ever attended.

Third: Don't assume alcohol will be a part of any celebration.  We've learned (rather quickly) that Nigerians are not big on drinking.  By "not big on drinking" I don't mean they simply shy away from the binge drinking that's typically associated with most American social events, but that many of them don't drink at all.  This is obviously a cultural thing - part of it is religious, the other part I'm still figuring out.  At many social events, we (the "westerners") are often the only ones drinking.  And we're not talking heavy drinking here - a beer or two at the most.   I know, we're crazy!

This is often not a problem and something that hadn't really impacted me until Friday at the "Send Forth" gathering.  I was ready for a drink and had been looking forward to it most of the day.  Who is not ready for a beer on Friday afternoon after being in a window-less, noisy, stuffy office all week?  At this after work event - what I was picturing to be something like a Happy Hour - only soda, water, and malt (a disgusting root-beer-like drink served in a can which looks disappointingly like a beer can) was served.  I had water.