Faux Pas

Partly cloudy, 73 degrees, 100% humidity (even though weather.com  says it's currently showering, I'm going with the observed weather report, which is much nicer)

While I've committed my fair share of social faux pas in the last month and a half that I've been here - everything from offending colleagues by turning down food to using silverware when fingers are the preferred utensils, the last couple weekends have helped me define a few good rules for social settings and events in Nigeria.

First: Don't show up on time to ANY event - not even a wedding.  Nigerians have a very different sense of time as compared to most North Americans.  To Nigerians "on time" is not arriving when the event is scheduled to start, but instead, anywhere from a half hour to an hour and a half (or more) late.

McKinley and I learned this the hard way last weekend when we arrived "late" (by our standards - 4 minutes) to a wedding of a colleague of ours.  Let me add another smaller faux pas that we committed, which was going to the wedding of someone who we didn't really know.  While the bride works for our organization, we can't tell you for certain that we had met her before the wedding.  We couldn't pass up the opportunity to go to our first Nigerian wedding though- call us wedding crashers, if you wish.

We hustled, thinking we were late, to the church down the street from our house, sacrificing our clean, not-sweaty appearance, which is hard to come by during this hot, sticky season.  We assumed we would be the last few people arriving and we could inconspicuously sneak in to the back of church and place ourselves behind rows of family and friends.  We knew we would stick out as probably the only white girls attending the wedding - not to mention the only ones that people didn't recognize (including the bride and groom) - and were pleased with the fact that we were going to be fashionably late - by our standards.  To our dismay, we were the 2nd and 3rd attendees to arrive - outside the choir and pastor, who were setting up and one other well-dressed woman in the pew, we were it.  So much for being inconspicuous.  We sat ourselves in the pew and waited for the ceremony to begin.  45 minutes later, with approximately 25 people in church, the 2 hour ceremony started.  Attendees continued to pour into the church throughout the service, with almost all pews being full by the time the whole thing was over.  Next time, we WILL be fashionably late.

Second: Expect planned events to have a program or agenda - from weddings to after-work social events.  Friday afternoon, we had a "Send Forth" (Going Away) Party for one of the EVA staff members that left the organization just before we started.  Instead of relaxing, chatting, and eating/drinking, there was a line-up of activities planned.  First, by request of the leaving staff member, everyone in attendance - minus McKinley and I (thank goodness) because we had not worked with her - had to write down at least 1 good thing and 1 bad thing about this colleague.  Think public performance review meets public personality review (not sure if the phrase personality review exists, because the act would be considered inappropriate in most instances, but it's the only phrase I can think to describe this).   I still haven't figured out why anyone would want this kind of feedback, as without a great deal of direction on what her colleagues were being asked to provide, most of the comments returned were not constructive or things that could be improved upon or changed - including feedback such as she's a hard worker, good wife material, and hot-tempered.  Not knowing what I was signing up for, I got to read all the comments out loud to the entire group - talk about working to keep a straight face.  After the public performance/personality review was complete, we went around the table and everyone said aloud goodbyes to IJ, the leaving staff member.  This ranged from everything from "I wish you weren't leaving" to 10 minute tear-filled speeches thanking God for bringing IJ the opportunity to work for EVA.  By far the most awkward social event I've ever attended.

Third: Don't assume alcohol will be a part of any celebration.  We've learned (rather quickly) that Nigerians are not big on drinking.  By "not big on drinking" I don't mean they simply shy away from the binge drinking that's typically associated with most American social events, but that many of them don't drink at all.  This is obviously a cultural thing - part of it is religious, the other part I'm still figuring out.  At many social events, we (the "westerners") are often the only ones drinking.  And we're not talking heavy drinking here - a beer or two at the most.   I know, we're crazy!

This is often not a problem and something that hadn't really impacted me until Friday at the "Send Forth" gathering.  I was ready for a drink and had been looking forward to it most of the day.  Who is not ready for a beer on Friday afternoon after being in a window-less, noisy, stuffy office all week?  At this after work event - what I was picturing to be something like a Happy Hour - only soda, water, and malt (a disgusting root-beer-like drink served in a can which looks disappointingly like a beer can) was served.  I had water.